I got nothing. And since I’ve had nothing to say or present here for quite awhile, I’d like to encourage you to read what my good friend, Magic Matt, has to say in his column this week at N00bdoodle.com.
Read Magic Matt’s Column (Click Here)
I’m especially partial to his thoughts on, of all people, Blake freaking Shelton.
I need to write a book. It sounds pompous when you read that sentence, as if to imply someone would want to read a book authored by me. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think anyone would actually read it. In fact, I highly doubt anyone is reading these words right now. But there are two reasons why I need to write this fake, pretend book.
First, I need therapy. Let’s just cut to the chase: it’s pretty clear that I’m insane. I need help. The best (and cheapest) way to get this help/therapy is to write.
The second and most important reason I need to write a book is…if there is even the slightest chance someone (Hi, Mom.) would read my pretend book, I’d like to be able to present to the reader a look at the world through my crap-colored glasses. Let me explain. While I admit to being pretty screwed up, hard to read or understand, difficult to deal with, inconsistent, annoying, crabby, (stop me anytime), selfish, egotistical, bossy…Well, the entire rest of the world is worse – because they’ve made me this way. Stay with me for a minute. It’s the crazy people in this world that make me crazy. I liken it to one of my father’s simplistic speeches while teaching me to drive in the Sioux City Stockyard’s vacant parking lot. “When you start driving on your own, your mother and I are going to get worried. It’s not your driving we’re worried about. It’s everyone else out there.” Thus, I learned about defensive driving…and have been applying it to life every since. Hmmm. I think I’ve come up with a working pretend book title: How I Went Through Life Playing Defense…And Went 0-16. For clarification’s sake, I am well-aware that I can’t change people, I can only change the way I perceive them. I just haven’t found the right drug or alcohol to help me do that on a consistent basis…yet.
Check out Brad’s appearance on the Rambling Morons video/audio podcast this past weekend right here:
Here’s a link to an old post that was mentioned on tonight’s show. Check out how to give a proper Man Hug. Seriously. Watch it:
We’re never going to get to this on the show, so…
The 10 Most Ridiculous Lawsuits of 2011
(Abuse of the judicial system)
•Convict sues couple he kidnapped for not helping him evade police
•Man illegally brings gun into bar, gets injured in a fight, then sues bar for not searching him for a weapon
•Young adults sue mother for sending cards without gifts and playing favorites
•Woman disagrees with store over 80-cent refund, sues for $5 million
•Mom files suit against exclusive preschool over child’s college prospects
•Man suing for age discrimination says judge in his case is too old
•Obese man sues burger joint over tight squeeze in booths
•Woman sues over movie trailer; says not enough driving in “Drive”
•Passenger’s lawsuit says cruise ship went too fast and swayed from side to side
•Mother sues Chuck E. Cheese – says games encourage gambling in children
My good pal and pretend radio co-host, Magic Matt, is now a featured columnist for My Buddy. Wow. That read kinda weird, didn’t it? Anyway…check out Matt’s latest, most excellent article here:
It’s not easy to go wire-to-wire in any competition, but Brad Westmar did just that in winning the inaugural Bassackwards Fantasy Football championship. And it wasn’t even close. We were all warned that Brad’s ineptitude at real fantasy football would translate into success in a league such as this. He basically called his shot. On second thought, I think the rest of us were merely pawns in his elaborate plan to get a free t-shirt.
Congrats should also go out to BFF Least Valuable Player: Jets QB Mark Sanchez. Few players exemplify the true spirit of sloppiness and incompetence like the most over-hyped player in the NFL. For what it’s worth, he also picks his nose on camera more than any other player in the league. Thank you Mark Sanchez. We couldn’t ask for anything more.
Here are this week’s standings along with the final season totals:
Week 17:
Brad – 33
Matt – 31
My Buddy – 27
Batman – 26
J-Rod – 23
Final Season Total:
Brad – 437
Matt – 385
J-Rod – 376
My Buddy – 348
Batman – 322
In April I posted a link (Click Here) where you could play Nintendo games online for free. I also mentioned how I wished I could find a good Atari 2600 source. Well, Merry Christmas!
Play Atari 2600 Games Online for free (Click Here)
I have been tearing it up on Decathlon. The 1500 Meter is exhausting!
We don’t “break it down” on our show when it comes to sports because God knows there are enough armchair quarterbacks doing that already. But this subject deserves some attention. When it comes to drafting a Super Bowl quarterback, what conferences make the most sense?
Super Bowl QBs since 2000:
Aaron Rodgers – Cal – Round 1, Pick 24
Ben Roethlisberger – Miami Of Ohio – Round 1, Pick 11
Drew Brees – Purdue – Round 2, Pick 32
Peyton Manning – Tennessee – Round 1, Pick 1
Kurt Warner – Northern Iowa – Undrafted
Eli Manning – Ole Miss – Round 1, Pick 1
Tom Brady – Michigan – Round 6, Pick 199 overall
Rex Grossman – Florida – Round 1, Pick 22
Matt Hasselbeck – Boston College – Round 6, Pick 184 overall
Donovan McNabb – Syracuse – Round 1, Pick 2
Jake Delhomme – Louisana-Lafayette – Undrafted
Rich Gannon – Delaware – Round 4, Pick 98 overall
Brad Johnson – Florida State – Round 9, Pick 227 overall
Trent Dilfer – Fresno State – Round 1, Pick 6
Kerry Collins – Penn State – Round 1, Pick 5
Steve McNair – Alcorn State – Round 1, Pick 3
The clear-cut conference winners since the the turn of the century are the Big 10 and SEC. Both have had 3 QBs represent their conference in the Super Bowl, with 2 wins and 1 loss each. The Big East has had 2 QBs in the Super Bowl, both losers. The other QBs are from a variety of other conferences including the ACC and the WAC. But the big question looms: Where are the Big 12 quarterbacks? Are they not tough enough? Is the spread offense that harmful for prospective NFL-ers? The answer probably lies somewhere between Josh Heupel and Sam Bradford.
Even more interesting is the overwhelmingly obvious need to draft a quarterback in the first round. Tom Brady is the exception.
Although the Chiefs inspired victory over the Packers did him no favors, Jared’s Jets did not fail him as he makes a last ditch effort to claim 2nd place. However, that may be the only race we have left as Brad continues to roll to the title and the Bat has all but locked up last place. Somewhere Mr. Westmar is practicing his victory speech in front of a mirror.
Here are this week’s standings:
Week 15:
Brad – 33
J-Rod – 26
My Buddy – 26
Matt – 18
Batman – 18
Season Total:
Brad – 371
Matt – 333
J-Rod – 324
My Buddy – 307
Batman – 278
Here’s the Bonus Segment from last Friday’s year-end Brad Westmar show. Enjoy!
Jared and I like to freak each other out with disturbing videos.
Warning: This one (from Jared) is pretty explicit.
My response is below. Not explicit, but possibly more disturbing. Unfortunately, embedding is not allowed for this one so you’ll have to click on the link.
Jared was certainly a good sport on the show as Magic Matt and Brad predicted what Jared would say about the following Christmas songs. Surprisingly, Jared liked a lot more of them than expected. Here’s what Matt and Brad thought he would say:
Matt:
1. Here Comes Santa Claus by Gene Autry – He’ll hate it. “It’s a flannel-wearing hayseed singing about a fictitious corpulent elf.”
2. The Little Drummer Boy by Harry Simeone Chorale – He’ll say he hates it, but it will stir up memories from deep within his soul that he had forgot ever existed. He may cry.
3. Do You Hear What I Hear? by Bing Crosby – He’ll hate it. “It’s not a heart-warming Christmas canticle. It’s an interrogation.”
4. The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas) by Nat King Cole – He’ll actually like this one. How could anyone not love this song? Not even Jared is cynical enough to dislike this song. On second thought, nevermind, he’ll hate it, but have no real reason.
5. The Christmas Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late) by Alvin and The Chipmunks – He’ll hate it. At some point he will bring up an extermination.
6. Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley – He’ll hate it. “If you put a red suit on this guy you would think the song was about Santa losing a kilo of Columbian bam-bam.”
7. Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee – He’ll hate it. It will remind him of “Home Alone” and how much he loathes Macaulay Culkin. He’ll say that he wishes Joe Pesci had killed him in that movie.
Brad:
1. Here Comes Santa Claus by Gene Autry – There’s no way Jared likes this one. Just the name ‘Gene Autry’ will turn him off due to the implication of the country genre. He’ll probably also complain about the way Autry sings “Sannie Claus”.
2. The Little Drummer Boy by Harry Simeone Chorale – I think there’s actually a chance he likes this one because of his own personal connection to classical music. He might also think it’s the sissyest Christmas song ever. Now I sound like Peter King.
3. Do You Hear What I Hear? by Bing Crosby – Given his distate for out-of-the-ordinary names, Jared probably hates this one because it’s sung by a guy named “Bing”. Then he’ll probably proceed to tell us that he does like Crosby/Bowie doing “The Little Drummer Boy”.
4. The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas) by Nat King Cole – If Jared says he thinks he’s heard this song 14,000,000 times too many to like it…I’d almost have to agree with him. He might also remind us to contemplate who actually roasts chestnuts on an open fire while Jack Frost nips at your nose? Are you outside? Why are you outside in the winter roasting nuts on a fire?
5. The Christmas Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late) by Alvin and The Chipmunks – Seriously, folks. Is there any chance at all he likes this one? What WON’T he say bad about it? I wonder if he’ll bring up the bad movie with Jason Lee. He might not even know they made one.
6. Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley – Jared doesn’t like Elvis. He probably hates this one more than he hates The Chipmunks.
7. Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee – Girls are icky. Ok, Jared won’t say that. But I’m pretty sure he’ll find something annoying about this song. Probably Brenda Lee’s voice. Or maybe the thought of a bunch of people dancing around a Christmas tree.
It may be too little, too late, but My Buddy is on a roll. He’s now won three of the last four weeks and has left the Bat in the dust. His next target in his climb up the standings seems to be Jared. However, J-Rod, like many Chiefs players and fans, benefited from the firing of Todd Haley this week. Matt remains in second place and his hopes of catching Brad seem remote. Rumor has it, Team Westmar is already having a custom championship t-shirt designed in his honor.
Here are this week’s standings:
Week 14:
My Buddy – 31
Brad – 26
Matt – 25
J-Rod – 23
Batman – 18
Season Total:
Brad – 338
Matt – 315
J-Rod – 298
My Buddy – 281
Batman – 260
