Jared was certainly a good sport on the show as Magic Matt and Brad predicted what Jared would say about the following Christmas songs. Surprisingly, Jared liked a lot more of them than expected. Here’s what Matt and Brad thought he would say:
Matt:
1. Here Comes Santa Claus by Gene Autry – He’ll hate it. “It’s a flannel-wearing hayseed singing about a fictitious corpulent elf.”
2. The Little Drummer Boy by Harry Simeone Chorale – He’ll say he hates it, but it will stir up memories from deep within his soul that he had forgot ever existed. He may cry.
3. Do You Hear What I Hear? by Bing Crosby – He’ll hate it. “It’s not a heart-warming Christmas canticle. It’s an interrogation.”
4. The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas) by Nat King Cole – He’ll actually like this one. How could anyone not love this song? Not even Jared is cynical enough to dislike this song. On second thought, nevermind, he’ll hate it, but have no real reason.
5. The Christmas Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late) by Alvin and The Chipmunks – He’ll hate it. At some point he will bring up an extermination.
6. Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley – He’ll hate it. “If you put a red suit on this guy you would think the song was about Santa losing a kilo of Columbian bam-bam.”
7. Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee – He’ll hate it. It will remind him of “Home Alone” and how much he loathes Macaulay Culkin. He’ll say that he wishes Joe Pesci had killed him in that movie.
Brad:
1. Here Comes Santa Claus by Gene Autry – There’s no way Jared likes this one. Just the name ‘Gene Autry’ will turn him off due to the implication of the country genre. He’ll probably also complain about the way Autry sings “Sannie Claus”.
2. The Little Drummer Boy by Harry Simeone Chorale – I think there’s actually a chance he likes this one because of his own personal connection to classical music. He might also think it’s the sissyest Christmas song ever. Now I sound like Peter King.
3. Do You Hear What I Hear? by Bing Crosby – Given his distate for out-of-the-ordinary names, Jared probably hates this one because it’s sung by a guy named “Bing”. Then he’ll probably proceed to tell us that he does like Crosby/Bowie doing “The Little Drummer Boy”.
4. The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas) by Nat King Cole – If Jared says he thinks he’s heard this song 14,000,000 times too many to like it…I’d almost have to agree with him. He might also remind us to contemplate who actually roasts chestnuts on an open fire while Jack Frost nips at your nose? Are you outside? Why are you outside in the winter roasting nuts on a fire?
5. The Christmas Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late) by Alvin and The Chipmunks – Seriously, folks. Is there any chance at all he likes this one? What WON’T he say bad about it? I wonder if he’ll bring up the bad movie with Jason Lee. He might not even know they made one.
6. Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley – Jared doesn’t like Elvis. He probably hates this one more than he hates The Chipmunks.
7. Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee – Girls are icky. Ok, Jared won’t say that. But I’m pretty sure he’ll find something annoying about this song. Probably Brenda Lee’s voice. Or maybe the thought of a bunch of people dancing around a Christmas tree.
